Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Sabtu 21 Juni 2008

Hari kenaikan kelas. Alias hari pembagian raport.
Karena undangan untuk orang tua murid jam 10.00, pagi hari aku masih sempat ke Paradise Club dulu. Aku berangkat naik sepeda mini kiriman kakakku dari Cirebon beberapa bulan yang lalu. Ternyata ... memang lebih melelahkan dibandingkan naik sepeda federal. 
Jam 09.15 aku sudah selesai mandi, dan menyuruh Angie untuk segera mandi pula.
Pukul 09.30 waktu kita berdua sedang siap-siap berangkat ke SMA N 3 Semarang, sekolah Angie sekarang ini, atau sekolahku dulu di tahun 1983-1986, Angie ‘melancarkan aksinya’.
“Entar Mama jangan pakai sepatu boots ya?”
“Emang kenapa?” tanyaku.
“Terlalu mencolok ah,” protesnya. LOL. “Mama mau pakai baju apa nanti?” tanyanya.
“Hmm ... celana jeans plus T-shirt ungu yang dibelikan Lily di Bandung?” tanyaku. Aku heran kenapa pula Angie ingin tahu bagaimana aku akan berpenampilan di sekolahnya nanti. 
“Hmm ... Angie udah mengiranya.” Katanya.
Kok bisa ya? Padahal baru pagi itu aku ingat kalau aku punya T-shirt ungu cerah berhiaskan manik-manik, pemberian Lily. Sudah lama T-shirt itu tidak kupakai.
“If I am not mistaken, semester kemarin di kelas Angie cuma Mama deh yang mengenakan celana jeans, yang lain berpenampilan ‘ibu-ibu’ gitu deh.” Kataku.
“Kalau Mama pakai celana jeans, Mama mau pakai ‘sepatu gunung’ ah.” Sambungku.
Angie langsung memonyongkan mulutnya.
“Well how about these honey?” tanyaku, sambil menunjuk sepatu model terbuka, yang menurutku terlalu seksi karena terbuka begitu.
“Ah good Mama. Pakai sepatu ini aja,” jawabnya.
“Do you forget I have these shoes? Ini sepatu yang Mama beli untuk ujian tesis, kemudian juga Mama pakai waktu wisuda S2,” terangku.
Mungkin di mata Angie, sepatu berhak lima sentimeter plus cukup terbuka itu, sangat feminin dan pantas kukenakan waktu bersamanya ke sekolah mengambil raport, sehingga dia senang mendengarku akan memakai sepatu itu. FYI, dia jarang mau ngikut ke sekolah waktu mengambil raport. Dia lebih suka ngendon di rumah.
“Berarti entar Mama pakai rok aja,” kataku.
Angie mengangguk-angguk.
Waktu aku menunjukkan dua buah T-shirt yang akan kupakai, tidak jadi yang ungu cerah, dia memilih yang bermodel feminin, warna hitam, berhiaskan manik-manik di bagian dada.
“Honey, Mama bener-bener nampak seperti ‘ibu-ibu’ nih!” komplainku, waktu kita siap akan berangkat.
“Loh, bukannya peran Mama kali ini memang menjadi seorang Ibu?” komentar Angie. LOL.
*****
Sampai di sekolah kurang lebih pukul 10.10.
Waktu berjalan dari tempat parkir menuju kelas Angie, Angie mengkritik caraku berjalan, “Mama jangan terlalu membusungkan dada gitu dong Ma?!?”
Ealah, repot amat setelah anakku berusia 17 tahun yak? LOL.
“Loh Sayang, bukannya memang begini cara Mama berjalan? Masak Mama disuruh membungkukkan badan gini? Kan ya ga lucu?!?”
Sesampai di depan kelas Angie, dia langsung berbaur dengan teman-temannya sekelas, dan aku masuk kelas. Belum banyak orang tua/wali murid yang ada di dalam. Kurang dari 10 orang kalau tidak salah. Aku langsung menempatkan diri di samping seorang perempuan kurang lebih sebaya denganku, mengenakan jilbab, yang duduk di bangku nomor 2, lajur ketiga dari pintu masuk. Dia adalah teman akrabku waktu kita duduk di bangku SMP kelas 1.
Aku bersyukur wali kelas Angie tidak terlalu banyak berbicara di depan kelas. Tak lama setelah aku duduk, beliau langsung mempersilakan siapa yang datang lebih dahulu untuk segera menemuinya untuk mengambil raport.
“Padahal aku tadi datang nomor satu, tapi aku ga langsung masuk, duduk-duduk di luar dulu,” kata temanku, berbisik di telinga.
“Kenapa kamu ga langsung masuk saja?” tanyaku.
“Males, lha wong banyak anak-anak yang duduk di dalam kelas tadi,” katanya.
“Ya sudah salahmu sendiri. Ga usah protes,” jawabku.
Aku ingin acara pengambilan raport ini segera berlalu.
Meskipun dulu kita sangat akrab, sekarang aku justru merasa tidak nyaman berada bersamanya. Satu hal utama: dia suka memamerkan kekayaannya. Well, bukan karena aku iri padanya karena dia kaya, tapi kurasa tidak sopan saja tiba-tiba dia berbicara, “Aku ke sini tadi naik mobil yang nyetir anakku. Padahal dia belum punya SIM A.”
Aku tahu dia hanya ingin bilang ke aku, “Na, aku punya mobil sekarang.” Tentu saja tidak masalah anaknya belum punya SIM A karena toh kalau ketangkap petugas, adiknya yang bekerja sebagai polisi bisa membebaskannya dengan mudah?
“Aku baru beberapa hari yang lalu pulang dari Kalimantan loh Na! Aku di sana kurang lebih satu setengah bulan.”
Aku tentu tidak akan sampai hati kalau mengatakan, “Lah, yang merhatiin anak-anakmu siapa kalau kamu keluyuran melulu mengikuti suami paruh waktumu?”
Satu hal yang pernah aku debatkan bersamanya beberapa tahun lalu waktu dia cerita menikah siri dengan seorang laki-laki yang sudah bersuami. Di awal, dia bilang dia ‘ditipu’ oleh laki-laki itu yang mengaku sebagai bujang lapuk. Di kemudian hari, dia bilang ke aku kalau istri pertama suaminya itu tidak layak menjadi istri karena tidak becus mengurusi suami. Ditambahi bumbu, “Mertuaku jauh lebih sayang kepadaku loh Na, dibandingin istri yang pertama.”
Aku bilang kalau dia tidak berhak menghakimi istri pertamanya seperti itu karena di mataku justru suaminya yang brengsek karena berbohong mengaku sebagai bujang lapuk waktu akan menikahinya. Aku juga bilang kalau dia tidak berhak merebut suami orang.
You can guess dia langsung ngeles ini itu tatkala mendengarku berkata seperti itu, dan bukannya ‘membelanya’ karena dia adalah temanku dan aku tidak mengenal istri pertama suaminya.
Aku tidak ingin berbicara banyak padanya sehingga aku lebih memilih diam.
Untunglah tak lama kemudian nama anaknya dipanggil. Setelah menerima raport, dia langsung keluar kelas.
Waktu wali kelas Angie memanggil nama, “Dzikrina ...?”
Aku langsung maju.
“Angie ya Bu nama panggilannya?” tanya wali kelas Angie itu.
Aku mengangguk-angguk.
“Di kelas Angie adalah anak yang pendiam,” katanya.
“Oh? Di rumah dia banyak omong, terutama kepada saya,” kataku.
“Kalau tiika ditanya, dia tidak mau ngomong apa-apa. Dia harus dipancing dulu,” jelasnya.
“Oh, itu namanya dia tidak mau menonjolkan diri,” kataku. LOL.
“Tapi nilai-nilainya bagus kok,” katanya, sambil melihat raport Angie secara sekilas. “Semua tuntas.”
“Alhamdulillah,” jawabku.
Setelah bersalaman, aku keluar.
Ternyata di depan kelas, temanku itu masih berdiri di sana, bersama anaknya.
Tak lama aku beramah-tamah dengannya, aku langsung mengajak Angie pergi.
“Kita mau jalan-jalan,” kataku.
Dari sekolah, kita meluncur ke kawasan Tembalang. Kita berdua makan siang di “Sim-Six resto garden” yang tepatnya berlokasi di Jalan Ngesrep Timur V nomor 25 Semarang.
Naik kelas menurutku adalah kewajiban setiap anak, yang harus mereka persembahkan untuk orang tuanya. Menraktir mereka makan enak (“berwisata kuliner” kata Angie) bagiku adalah salah satu cara yang bisa dilakukan oleh orang tua untuk menunjukkan rasa suka cita mereka, sekaligus rasa terima kasih mereka kepada sang anak yang telah berupaya keras untuk belajar dengan baik. Demi masa depan anak-anak itu sendiri.
PT56 16.56 210608

Saturday, June 14, 2008

This term: 2/2008

I remember at the very beginning of this term when Angie was about to resume her English course (in my workplace so that she could be free of charge ), we were discussing what days and time she would study. The only class she could join was only on Tuesday-Thursday from 19.00-21.00. I could not take her to the English course since I had a class finishing at 19.00 at another branch, located 11 kilometers away from the first branch. I asked her to go by public transportation but Angie didn’t feel secure. She told me one case of her schoolmate who got abused by a driver of public transportation. She refused to go by ‘becak’ (pedicab) too because she was worried about the same thing—to be abused by the ‘becak driver’.
Eventually the problem was solved because my youngest sister was available to take Angie to the English course. I could pick her up when going home.
FYI, I always feel uncomfortable to make other people—although they are my very own sisters—busy, dealing with taking care of Angie. I always want to do anything by myself; such as to take her to the English course and to pick her up, including to/from school. However, since I am a single parent so that I have to work to make our (Angie and me) ends meet, I am not always available to do that. And I always feel guilty for that.
Going back to the previous case. Thursday June 12, it rained heavily from 17.00 in Semarang. Angie sent me a message, “Mama, when will I have the written test?”
To reply her message, I called her, “You will have the test today, honey. You will go for that, won’t you?”
“But it is raining cats and dogs here.” She said.
“Yes, it is raining heavily too here. So, will you take the test today or will you take the makeup test next June 20?”
“Perhaps I will take the test today Ma.” She decided.
However, seeing that the rain didn’t slow down a bit, I started to think if it would be better for Angie to take the makeup test. I started to feel uncomfortable and guilty toward my youngest sister to bother her to take Angie to the course in such a bad weather. But I didn’t do anything, such as calling Angie again to suggest her to take the makeup test, or calling my youngest sister, asking her whether she really wouldn’t mind taking Angie to the English course. FYI, my youngest sister has poor eyesight, much poorer than mine because she has to wear glasses minus 10. It would be very risky for her to ride a motorcycle in the night under the heavy rain, plus the electricity is off.
That’s it. The uncomfortable and guilty feeling toward my youngest sister, my hurried trip from one branch to the main branch, feeling anxious whether Angie would attend the written test on the schedule, were mixed together. And what did I find after arriving? After feeling excited that I would find Angie soon (after a workmate told me that she saw Angie several minutes before), in fact Angie was away. And she herself didn’t know where she would be taken by her classmates.
I have been indoctrinating myself to be a feminist since 2003. I have been convincing myself that it is okay for me not always having full time to take care of my only daughter (read => not to be a “full-time mother” for her). But still, I have oftentimes been haunted by guilty feeling.
The result of the patriarchal indoctrination is in fact still strong in me.
LL 17.20 130608

Angie

“Ms. Nana, you were not rough to Angie last night, were you?”
A workmate asked me—as a greeting—when I entered the teachers’ room around an hour ago (this is Friday June 13, 2008).
“Of course not at all,” I answered, feeling like something tickled my stomach hearing her choosing the word ‘rough’. She really likes exaggerating anything, I guess. LOL.
“I was not angry with her, actually.” I continued saying.
This workmate of mine looked into my face, expecting me to explain more.
“I was angry with the situation, perhaps.” I felt a bit amused when finding that my workmates looked at me, astonished with what I just said.
“You know. I went back from Tembalang branch in such a bad weather—it rained very heavily—in a hurry. The electricity was off too. I came here, wanting to see whether Angie came to attend the written test or not. I really wanted to see her here. Rahma told me that she saw Angie a few minutes before. So to find out where she was, I called her cell phone number, ‘Where are you now honey?’ She said, ‘On the street Mum.’ Feeling puzzled, I asked, ‘Street where?’ I thought she was on the street in front of our office, but I was wondering why she didn’t see me coming and entering the office building? Although it was dark—due to the blackout—I believe Angie could see me clearly. Then she said, ‘I’m on the way Mum, with my classmates.’ You can imagine how disappointed I was. I rode the motorcycle in a hurry, to find her here. And in fact she went away with her classmates, without asking for my permission. And I didn’t have any idea where she was. ‘On the way where? What do you mean?’ I asked. She said, ‘Well, a classmate is going to treat us tonight. But I don’t know where we will have our dinner.’”
“So, honey, what am I supposed to do now?” I asked Angie, disappointed.
“Wait for me at the office, Mama?” begged Angie, slowly, not sure whether I would be willing to wait for her.
“What am I supposed to do while waiting for you?” my voice still sounded harsh, I believe.
Angie didn’t answer.
“You know honey there are two things I want to do so that I don’t mind waiting. The first is reading. The second is scribbling anything. And you know when the electricity is off like now, I CANNOT DO THOSE TWO THINGS. How could you ask me to wait for you at the office when I can do nothing?”
Then Angie suggested an idea, “How about going online Mama?” her voice sounded very soft, showing she was not sure with that idea.
“Honey, the electricity is off. The cyber cafes close to the office must be close because of that.” I said.
“Ah … yes. …” Angie got stuck.
“Listen to me. I don’t want to wait for you here. You go home by yourself. Ask someone, your classmate to take you home!” I said that sternly.
“But Mama, how can I ask anybody here to bring me home? I cannot.”
“Honey, this is your responsibility since you go without my permission and you know that I will pick you up here. I am here already and you are nowhere I know. I don’t want to wait for you.”
Feeling upset, I hung up the phone.
“Oh, actually there are some people ready to take Angie home, of course.” My workmate, who happened to be Angie’s class teacher this term, told me.
“Well, I didn’t know if you joined the crowd. If I had known, I would have asked Angie to give her cell phone to you and I would have talked to you directly to be responsible to take Angie home.”
“Well, after Mima called you, and I talked to you using her cell phone, and you guaranteed that there would be someone to take Angie home, I was relieved already.”
“Oh, that is the problem. I thought you were angry because I asked Angie to go out while in fact she had to study to prepare the promotion test at her school.”
“Last night I accompanied Angie to study until 23.30. It was fine with that.”
Another workmate jokingly said, “Ah, you were supposed to ask Ardi to accompany Angie to study until that late. Don’t let her go away when she brought Angie home.”
LOL.
“I cannot be mad at Angie. That’s for sure.” I told my workmates.
LL 15.55 130608