Haruskah Ku Mati

Bagaimana mestinya…
Membuatmu jatuh hati kepadaku
T’lah kutulis kan sejuta puisi
Meyakinkanmu membalas cintaku

Haruskah ku mati karena mu
Terkubur dalam kesedihan sepanjang waktu
Haruskah kurelakan hidupku
Hanya demi cinta yg mungkin bisa membunuh ku
Hentikan denyut nadi jantung ku
Tanpa kau tau betapa suci hatiku
Untuk memiliki mu

Adakah keikhasan
Dalam palung jiwamu mengetukku
Ajarkan mu bahasa perasaan
Hingga hatimu tak lagi membeku

Tiadakah ruang di hatimu untukku
Yang mungkin bisa ‘tuk kusinggahi
Hanya sekedar penyejuk disaat ku layu
Ku t’lah menantimu hingga akhir masa

(Ada Band)

Semenjak Angie menjadi ABG, dan kita share a room together, aku pun tiba-tiba memiliki selera musik yang tidak beda jauh dari para ABG. LOL. Seorang rekan kerja, T, yang kebetulan anaknya juga hampir seusia dengan Angie, pun mengatakan yang sama, dia ketularan dengerin lagu-lagu ABG. LOL. (Apalagi aku yang memiliki room-mate ABG, Angie. LOL.)

Pertama denger lagu Ada Band ini dari rekan kerjaku, T, itu beberapa minggu yang lalu. Kesimpulan? Jelek banget, terutama melodinya. LOL. Gak ada greng-grengnya blas. LOL. Aku heran juga kok aku belum denger Angie nyanyiin lagu ini, ato, well, muter lagu ini keras-keras ketika ada di radio. Biasanya kalo Angie sedang seneng sebuah lagu, wah, kenceng banget dia suara radionya. LOL. Contoh, waktu Agnes Monica keluar dengan lagu, well, aku ga ngerti judulnya. LOL. Yang pasti ada liriknya begini, "Di mana letak sorga itu ..." Aku suka godain dia dengan menjawab, "Sayang, nih sorga Angie berada di telapak kaki Mama." LOL. Dan dia pun bersungu-sungut. LOL.

Beberapa waktu setelah T "promosiin" lagu ini, tiba-tiba Angie mulai ikut nyanyiin lagu ini. Trus, aku bilang ke dia, "Lagu ini loh Sayang, yang dipromosiin pak T beberapa waktu lalu." Angie jawab, "Yah, pertama kali denger Angie ga suka, lama-lama, eh, cool juga nih lagu." LOL. Dan aku mulai berpikir bahwa lagu ini boleh juga. Kesimpulannya adalah, pak T tidak memiliki suara yang bagus sehingga waktu nyanyi ya menghasilkan lagu yang ga bagus juga. LOL. Waktu Angie yang nyanyiin, eh, lumayan juga ga bikin kuping sakit. LOL.

Barusan, aku "menemukan" lirik lagu ini di satu blog yang kukunjungi (jelas milik ABG LOL). Dan, entahlah, setelah tahu liriknya (kok kaciannnnnn banget yah??? hahaha ...), aku jadi pengen nge-post lirik lagu ini di blogku sendiri. Hahahaha ...

Jadi ingat satu kali waktu aku nulis puisi buat my catharsis, dan di akhir baris aku tulis, "Adakah cinta yang tidak egois?"

Egois banget kan lirik lagu ini? Aku bisa aja pake bahasa yang lebih realistis dengan mengatakan, "I love you my sweetheart. I will do everything to make you happy if you are mine. So, what else are you waiting for? Be mine, please? Coz only you can 'move' my heart, only you can strike the chemistry in me, only you can evoke that special feeling in me. ONLY YOU. So, please darling, open your heart, accept my pure love. If not, let me die peacefully."

Sama egoisnya seperti waktu aku nulis puisi yang kumaksud di atas. LOL.

Angie in June 2006

June 26, 2006 was the time for the final exam announcement of the third grade students of Junior High School in Indonesia.
I went to Angie’s school, SMP N 1 around 11am. I didn’t have any target for her. Anyway, I know she is a smart girl, only a bit lazy to study. LOL. Her IQ is good too, 121, mine is 122, not far different. Not a genius really, but more than the average. :)
While waiting for the announcement, suddenly I felt a bit restless. (I didn't feel restless at all during one month after her exam on May 22-24, 2006.)
Well, I must say that my being restless while waiting for the announcement was indeed coz of my egotism as a parent. I feel like there is a competition among my workmates and me. They know me as someone smart. As a result, people give “burden” to Angie that she must be smart too. In Indonesia, being smart is closely related to high scores plus good or favorite school.
Those workmates of mine fortunately (or unfortunately?) are not considered as smart as I am. However, their children are smart. I mean, they get high scores.
In my experience as a student at American Studies, I concluded that having high scores in Indonesia doesn’t guarantee someone as a smart person. Having high scores doesn’t guarantee that someone really has good knowledge.
If Angie doesn’t get high scores and cannot continue to one favorite school in Semarang, perhaps my workmates will look down on me, or on Angie. (Why should I care yah? :( )
However, when writing this post of course I no longer feel restless. Thank goodness Angie got quite high scores, 26,20 (for three subjects, Bahasa Indonesia, Mathematics, and English), so that she can continue to SMA N 5, the second favorite of high school in Semarang these recent years after SMA N 3. Wish her luck, please? :)

June 23. 2006

Last night, I went home from work around 21.15. Angie was playing a game in the computer. She had got her dinner so that I didn't need to prepare her dinner, and accompanied her to eat it. I just needed to wash myself.

 

While I was typing something in my computer, Angie was watching a sinetron on television. She usually watches one sinetron in one TV station on Thursday 21.00 but I don't know what it is.

Around 22.00 Angie entered our bedroom. She told me a lot about her school friends. I know, she needed a loyal listener, and I am the best one for that. LOL. Well, I don't remember now what she told me about last night, so many friends she told me about. LOL. 

Around 23.30, I turned to the monitor, to show 'hint' to Angie that I needed my time to focus on what I was doing. I was writing an email for a good friend of mine. Angie continued reading her teenlit novel--Ready or Not by Meg Cabot. It is not really a new novel of hers. I bought it for her last year. Well, she just needed something to read; and rereading her novel was okay, wasn't it? LOL.

Around 00.15, she called me, "Mama, do you still want to type in your computer?"
"Are you already sleepy? Want to sleep now?" I asked her.

FYI, we usually sleep in the dark.

I hadn't finished typing, I was not sleepy yet either. However, I know that's the way Angie begged me to turn off the lamp and go to bed with her.

So, I turned off the computer and then the lamp and went to bed together with her, my lovely star. :)

Angie and her friends

Angie has one close friend nicknamed the same as me-NANA. :-D Once I kidded her that she was not really creative in choosing a friend coz the nickname is the same as her mother's. LOL. They have been friends for about six years, since they were in the fourth grade of elementary school.
Today I talked about Angie and Nana to my workmates. Well, since Angie and Nana take English course where I work, my workmates know them. And I think, well, it is a very common thing for parents to talk about their children to the workmates. :)
Well, actually the story is not mainly about Angie, but about Nana who has been crushed by a boy who happens to be one private student of my workmate, A. A sometimes talks about his private student to me, especially about his 'approach' to Nana.
I know actually Angie doesn't really like if I talk about this to my workmates. LOL. But, in fact, my main point to tell my workmates about this is to let them know how interesting it is to have a teenaged daughter. They will undergo it by themselves some years later. Fortunately, among the teachers in this workplace, Angie is the oldest daughter. The others have sons so their experience is a bit different from mine. :)
Experience to be a mother, to me, is really exciting!!!

These recent days

I have been trying posting Angie's picture here several times these recent days, and it always fails to appear here. I am wondering what the hell has been going on with this blog?

Mom and daughter

This picture was taken on April 2, 2005. Angie and I were going windowshopping at Citraland Mall Semarang. I always love such an occasion coz we will have much time together, especially during our eating out; while eating we talk about many things, Angie with her experience with her school friends, and me with my experience.

 
Many people say that both of us look like sisters, and not like mother-daughter. This is one thing I feel glad to get married and have a baby at a quite young age. (I got married at 22, and had Angie at 23) so that the age gap between my kid and me is not that big.

 
One time, I talked to her, "I am wondering what kind of relationship I will have if my kid is a son..." Angie didn't comment anything, but from her facial expression, I concluded that she didn't really like that idea of mine. LOL. I didn't mean to regret that I have a daughter, and not a son (referring to many people from many different ethnic groups covet to have sons much more than daughters). Well, just out of the blue, I said such a thing. I am not sure if my relationship with a son would be as harmonious as mine with Angie. :) Oh, I know, as usual, I am just a wise guy. LOL.

 
JDC 12.27 120606

Angie at Muslim clothes contest

As the picture shows, the event for this was “Pemilihan Putra Putri Busana Muslim” held by McDonald’s restaurant, in December 2001. Angie was the second winner here. In the picture she was wearing pink and red Muslim clothes.
One memorable thing from joining a similar contest (wearing Muslim clothes) was that she met the same rival, Noni, who became the first winner. And Angie always became the second one. While for the third winner, it was won by different child. LOL. Well, they met in three different contests for wearing Muslim clothes.
The last contest Angie joined and met Noni as one of her rivals was “Pemilihan Busana Pink” to welcome Valentine’s Day, held by McDonald’s restaurant too. Again, Angie became the second winner. (Her instructor said that Angie seemed to be specialized as the second winner. LOL.) The picture was in the two previous posts. However, this time Noni was not the first winner. She was the fifth one.
PT56 20.15 110606

Angie at Mc Kids contest

This picture was taken on October 28 2001 when Angie joined a modeling contest at McDonald’s restaurant in Semarang. The name of the event was “Pemilihan Putra Putri Mc Kids”. It was one of the most memorable contests she joined.
Angie belonged to category B, for children who were in the fourth, fifth, and sixth grade of elementary school. She got number 13, a number that was not really well-liked by Javanese people coz people believe it as an unlucky number. In fact, the boots were very tight for her feet and legs so that she didn’t feel comfortable when wearing them. They must have disturbed her walk on the catwalk.
When the announcement of the winners was done, she was sitting on her instructor’s lap while I was somewhere else. There were three winners for each group; three winners in girls’ group in each category; and also three winners in boys’ group. After all winners were called to the stage, Angie wasn’t included into those winners. I was broken hearted. My sister who was with me seemed disappointed too. I couldn’t imagine how Angie felt at that time coz I didn’t see her in the middle of so many people.
I know in a contest, there is always the winner and the loser, or well, the one who is not lucky to be the winner. Angie had experienced to be “unlucky” too several times before that. But still, I couldn’t avoid feeling broken hearted and disappointed.
However, then, the MC said, “Besides those winners, there is still one winner, that is favorite winner. And the trophy goes to the contestant number 13 from category B.” Gosh … suddenly my heart was not broken into pieces anymore, LOL, the pieces were directly back into one full heart. LOL.
Angie went to the stage to get her trophy and also some other gifts from the sponsors. Her face looked so radiant and excited. I was so proud and happy to see her at that time.
At home, she told me after the winners were announced, she was sitting on her instructor’s lap. She was broken hearted too at that time, almost fainted, she said. LOL.
PT56 19.58 110606

Angie at kindergarten

This picture was taken when she and her schoolmates joined a dancing competition among kindergartens in Semarang her in 1996. She was wearing her costume to perform something on the stage.
Well, Angie was very active when she was in elementary school. When there was a performance to celebrate something, she always got involved to perform something, from dancing, marching band, reciting Alquran, until leading her school mates to pray.
One unforgettable experience for me when she was at kindergarten was when her class teacher told me that she didn't like one classmate of hers, a girl. The teacher told me that she always showed annoyed face when she had to work together with that classmate. Angie didn't want to give a clear reason why she didn't like working together with her.
After the teacher told me, at home, I asked Angie why she didn't like that classmate of hers. She told me that she didn't like her coz she was a very passive girl, not creative, shy. Compared to Angie who was very active, lively, cheerful, of course that classmate was very contradictory.
Angie met that girl again when she continued to junior high school. Funnily, Angie didn't remember her own experience when she was in kindergarten that she didn't like that ex classmate. :) When I told her the reason why Angie didn't like her, she found it funnier. LOL.
Ah kids ... :)

My Lovely Star

This is my lovely star, Angie. The picture was taken in February 2002 when she joined a modelling contest in one McDonald's restaurant in Semarang. Walking on the catwalk is one of her hobbies, besides reading, listening to music, and swimming.

She was born on April 8, 1991, so under Aries star sign, and Sheep shio. Some months ago, a good friend of mine who happens to be an Aries too said to me that one characteristic of an Aries is to be messy. LOL. That was the first time for me to realize why Angie is so messy, I mean she is very capable to mess everything up in our bedroom. LOL. And me, as a Leo, is the best partner for her to mess things up. LOL. I am not sure if I can use a proverb "like mother like daughter, or like daughter like mother"? LOL.

About Sheep shio, well, it makes the two of us. I also was born under the same shio. What are the characteristics? Well, I don't know. LOL.

The same hobbies between Angie and me I suppose are reading and writing. She reads faster than I do though. One favorite book of hers is HARRY POTTER. Until now she has read all the six books of HP. And she has a very good memory of most parts in those books. It is really a WOW, isn't it? LOL. Perhaps coz she is really crazy for that novel.

I always think that she is smarter than me when I was around her age. However, I used to work harder than she is not at school. One sure thing is she is more mature than I was at the same age. Perhaps coz I always treat her as a young adult. We have lots of discussion about this life together. Of course, coz I want to "shape" her to be like what I want--to be independent girl, not really dependent on guys; and especially to be someone who always thinks that men and women are created equal.

I cannot write long about her now coz I am short of time. Going to my workplace soon.

This blog

Well, when I was having my lunch today, suddenly I got this idea, to have a special blog where I will write anything related to my lovely star, Angie.

 

maybe this pic was taken in 1993

I started to call her as my lovely star last year, around October 2005 when writing for the acknowledgment of my thesis. Someone who inspired me of this loving nick was, unfortunately, LOL, someone that now I call as an asshole. LOL. In one of his message to me, he called me as, "Pelangiku, Nana ..." LOL. When writing the acknowledgment, I was considering some loving nicks for me, and, not clear why I chose 'my lovely star'. She is lovely; and she is the star of my life. :)

 

1996, Angie was in kindergarten

I got an idea to have a special blog for Angie from some messages I got via a mailing list I joined. Some parents (they happen to be the fathers, so I conclude that the mothers are busy doing the household chores LOL so that they don't have any idea to write something about their babies in a special media, such as diary, or the e-diary, like blog.)

 

Angie was 1 year old, she used to love this dress a lot!

Angie knows well that I love writing something to post in my blogs. Perhaps one day she will do that too, coz she also loves writing. I have encouraged her to start writing short stories for her upcoming possible career--A WRITER. 

 
For my lovely star, Angie. You know I always love you. You are the best thing (or the best ONE, LOL) in my life.

I don't remember where and when this pic was taken, lol